Mother's Day
    
       Mother's Day to me over my adult life has meant so much. I am so happy on Mother's Day. Overwhelming feelings is also a description of how I feel on Mother's Day. My heart still grieves for women longing to be mothers. My heart is overwhelmed because I was a barren women that God chose to bear fruit in. My heart also still grieves the loss of our attempted adoption of my first born, Levi. My heart aches for those who share in my heartache of a loss of a child. I am overwhelmed that even in my grief God chooses to comfort me. He is busy holding the world together and yet He chooses to comfort ME!!! WOW! 
      Why did God choose to give me a mother that would take care of me and not harm me? Why was I not an orphan in Uganda? Just from this one day God has blessed me a million times over. My heart is overwhelmed for all the women God sent to come and be a mother to me when I was too rebellious to listen to my own mother. My mother (and father) planted the godly seed and those other women helped in the watering process! I am the God follower I am today because of that congregation of women who choose to care for me! WOW.
      My parents both lost their mothers in their younger twenties. For that I grieve the grandmothers I never knew. I had a friend tell me before that she wishes so desperately that her mother could still be alive. Especially now that she was a mother because she had so many questions to ask her. She wanted advice, she wanted her mother's guidance. She told me that she never thought of her mother more then when she became a mom herself. I feel overly blessed to still have my mother to guide me and love me always.
      I love that I was blessed with a loving Mother-in-law that has a heart as big as Texas. A mother-in-law that raised a son to be God fearing. He can now lead our family, and I can be his helper in our goals for our children. A mother-in-law that would give her life for her grand babies!
       For my adoption mommas that grieve their child lovingly placed in a new home. For the child that longs to know their biological mother. For the adopted mother that loves her child more than life itself, who also wishes she had a blood tie to her child. For the kids left abandoned, abused and bruised. For my kids that I have had a hand in raising in church. I pray for them, think of them, and love to watch  them grow up to be godly adults.
        I love that my mom did crafts with my siblings and I. I love that my mom taught me to sit still in church (Silly I know)! I love that my mom taught me to respect my elders. I love that my mom was not perfect. I love that my mom taught me love not hate. I love that my mom didn't teach me to be racist. I love that my mom taught me about Christ!
      Motherhood in the 21st century is overwhelming with all the competitive mothering out there, how do you keep up. Kids know algebra by the time they are in kindergarten just about. Kids are fluent in three languages by first grade. How does one know when they've done too much. . . .or. . . too little?! What happened to allowing kids to be kids? A new type of child predator is out in the world, how do we keep them safe? Technology, how do you teach a child they don't have to have a cell phone? I want to succeed, and I want my kids to know I did my best! In the end though I pray I can share eternity with my children and family!
       
      

Independence!

       We were stationed in Columbus MS when Zoe was born. We moved from there when she was 2 years 4 months old. She had her first everything there. Her best friends, her favorite Sunday School Teacher, all things familiar to her. We made progress on potty training her and she was sleeping in her own room. She was still in a crib but she was still sleeping in her own room.
      When we moved here to Oklahoma she had a very hard time which in turn made me have a hard time. She was confused as to where home really was because my in laws live in the city and we would spend a lot of time down there and she loved it. But when we would come up to our home home she was confused, why can't she go to the Zoo on a whim? Why can she not play with her friends (my in laws neighbors)? Where is MS best friends? Where is the home she once knew? Why doesn't she recognize anything!!??!! When we said we are going to church and Ms Dianne wasn't in the nursery, she didn't know why? She started pulling her hair out and I didn't know what to do about it.
        I decided I was going to be overly routine for her. Make friends for her up here. Make our home home a place she knew and trusted. I am by nature an attachment type of momma (co sleeping, no crying, hold them often type). Well part of building her trust was allowing her to sleep in our room.        
       When we got here she wanted NOTHING to do with her new room. She didn't like it and she would scream and cry. It wasn't a naughty scream and cry, it was; I am scared to death of this new space. It broke my heart to watch her go through that. So she started co sleeping again. Which wasn't too bad except I was pregnant and she was starting to kick a lot. Towards the end of my pregnancy we got her transitioned into her toddler bed at the foot of our bed. That was BIG step for her. We talked about how we were going to slowly move her into her own room. I would make little hints here and there "You know Zoe, you are going to be sleeping in your own big girl room soon". She would say stuff like "No that's okay I like this room"! HAHA... I remember when I would mention Zoe was still in our room people would look at us like we were complete freaks!! LOL I am glad I don't let things like that phase me.
        Zoe would see other kiddos rooms and I would always point out their beds and how her friends were sleeping in their rooms. Not as a comparison but just to note. One day it all clicked. We went to her little friends birthday party a couple of weekends ago and she said "I want to sleep in my own room like AK and E"! I said "You DO"!!!!! She said "Uh Huh"!! I told her okay and that night we put her big girl bed in her room and she slept there all night!! We slept on the floor in her room since it was her first night!
         I was so amazed that she was making such a big girl move on her own. I thought surely this is going to be a fluke once the newness wears off she'll be like forget this. No, she LOVES it!! She is making plans for a sleep over with a friend! LOL I just wanted to brag on my big girl. Bless her heart, she brags to everyone "I'm sleeping in my own room", and they look at her like haven't you been sleeping in your room for a long time. Then we break out the story.
        I cried the first couple of nights. Now I think this so awesome!